Last week I wrote about what I wish I’d known when I went into care, which really reminded me of how much I didn’t know and couldn’t do when I first started living alone. The prospect of being entirely responsible for myself and my well being at 17 really frightened me, despite the fact I’d been self sufficient for quite a long time beforehand. This felt different because it was more like I had no one to turn to if I needed it now I was living by myself and I had to remember to take care of everything or I would fail. Today, I wanted to share some of the tips and tricks I’ve picked up as they might make some things a little easier (hopefully!)
Plan your meals in advance.
The first few times I did my own food shopping, I wandered around the Supermarket and chucked everything into the trolley that I saw and liked the look of. I ended up spending so much money, and by far overbought for what I could eat, which meant some of the food unfortunately got wasted. As well as that, because I didn’t plan what food I would use for what meals, I had loads of random ingredients that couldn’t come together to make one dish! After realising that wasn’t the most pragmatic approach to take in respect of feeding myself, I started planning out a weeks worth of meals at a time, and shopping for what I needed for those meals and a few snacks I might want that week. By doing that, I could spend less, waste less food and was able to batch cook proper meals and freeze them, so if I was busy one evening I could just microwave something out of the freezer instead of having to mess about cooking when I got home or go hungry because I couldn’t be bothered. Also, I would always recommend not going shopping when you’re hungry, as you will by so much more that you don’t actually want or need!
If you can make a budget, do it. It can be really helpful.
When I started managing my own money, and my outgoings increased, countless people told me to budget my money. To which I was a bit like ‘yeah, whatever’ and it felt like a lot of pointless effort. Without making a budget though and keeping proper tabs on what I had outgoing when, I never knew from one day to the next how much money I was working with and I’d find myself with about £20 to last me 2 weeks before payday, worrying how I’d get myself through and not have to go without food or electric. I started checking how much I was going to get when I got paid, totalling all of my bills so I knew how much I’d be left with once I’d paid them, and setting myself an amount of ‘spending money’ each week. If I over spent one week, I knew I’d have less to go out or buy myself things with the following week, so I became far more careful with my spending. Budgeting also enabled me to start saving a bit each month, which I can hopefully spend on something nice when I’ve saved enough.
If you need to know how to do something practical, chances are you can find it on YouTube.
Not long after I moved into my flat, I had a washing machine delivered. It sat in my kitchen for a few days, whilst my washing piled up, as I had no idea how to plumb it in and nobody to do it for me. After a few days, I became really fed up of it being sat there and overwhelmed by the mountain of washing I had to deal with, so I googled ‘how to plumb in a washing machine’ with the specific make and model it was. There were tons of videos on YouTube showing me exactly how to do it. So I went to B&Q, got the correct connections then did it. It took me longer than it probably should have, and at one point I was certain I’d never manage it, but the sense of accomplishment I felt when I finally did it and it wasn’t leaking or anything was unreal. I’ve relied on YouTube to teach me a lot in the absence of anybody to help me, including how to safely use a drill to put my curtain poles up and how to build flat pack furniture when the instructions aren’t clear enough. Its hard work sometimes but I always feel so proud when I do something for myself, which makes it worth it.
Utilise your setting up home allowance.
All care leavers are entitled to a Setting up home allowance, but I think the amount of this varies by Local Authority. It’s there to help you get all the different furniture or furnishings you might need when you start living independently. I can’t stress this enough; if it’s there, use it. It doesn’t have to be paid back which is great, and it can be a massive help as there is a huge expense attached to getting yourself set up and sorted. I was shocked at how much little bits like cushions and cushion covers cost, never mind the big furniture! From my experience, after you ask for something it can take quite a while to get it, so if you can, ask about ordering what you want in plenty of time.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Moving out is a stressful live event for anyone at any age, even with the support of your parents or wider family. If you’re a Care Leaver, you may end up living independently much sooner than some of your peers, with less support, which adds to the stress. The majority of my support came from the Leaving Care Service of my Local authority, which was only available 9-5, so the rest of the time I had to manage on my own. This felt like a massive burden on me, and I didn’t feel entirely capable of being responsible for paying the bills, keeping a clean and tidy home and keeping myself on the right track. It took me a while, but I realised that I had to just do what I could and face each challenge that popped up as it came. I had to stop worrying about what might go wrong and give myself credit for what I was getting right. It’s not easy, moving out alone, and you should be proud of even the small victories like washing the pots when it feels like its all too much or hoovering when you’re just too tired for anything.
Access the support if you need it.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m not great at accessing the support available to me for a range of reasons, and when it came to needing support with my home or help with understanding bills, I was even more reluctant to ask for help. I didn’t want anybody to think I couldn’t cope (although in reality sometimes I probably wasn’t coping) or for them to think I was failing. I wanted everybody to think I’d gone into it, picked it up like a duck to water, and didn’t need their help. That wasn’t the case, and sometimes I couldn’t have got through it without the help. Seeking help absolutely does not mean you’ve failed, or that you can’t do it. Everybody needs help sometimes, whether that be practical help or somebody to rant to about how hard work it is occasionally. If you ask for help when you need it, you can use it and get back on track, it won’t spiral to a point where the help available might not be enough.
If you’re coming up to living independently and have any questions, or if you live independently already and have some tips and tricks to share, please get in touch! We’d love to hear your stories or anything you do that makes it that bit easier.
Thanks for reading.
Rhianna Xx
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